Having Faith

Alright people, this one is going to hit just a little different today. Today is going to be more about faith, God and Jesus. I know I will lose some of you with this topic. Not everyone believes in the same thing as others and that is perfectly fine. This is something that I struggled with for a while myself. I want it to be clear that in no way do I look down or think differently of anybody that has different beliefs. I won’t try to push or force my beliefs on you either. However, this is something that is important to me and helps guide me through life.

            With that being said let’s take it to the beginning. In kindergarten, I went to a catholic school. Only one year but it counts. I was raised catholic, if you aren’t familiar it’s the one where you stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down, stand up, kneel, sit down, and so on. Its obviously a lot more than that but that is a big difference between that and a Christian church from my experience. I also won’t pretend like I know it all about the bible and all the stories. Growing up catholic was tricky, being young I never liked going to church. It was something that I didn’t understand. There is all these rules and prayers (that never seem to stop changing) and as a kid it was hard to follow. As I got older, I wouldn’t go as frequently though. I went through catechism but struggled to follow along with the teachings at that point also. More time went on and I would find myself only going to the real big masses. The Christmas, Easter, Palm Sundays and so on.

            Come high school is when I began to resent the religion that I grew up in. It was during a world history class that I started to question it all. Learning about the Roman Catholics and the church in those times just made we think. Why? Why does it seem like you have to buy your way into heaven? I remember reading how when a family member would pass, another member of the family would walk to the main church and practically crawl up the stairs to a higher member of the church. They would essentially have to pay to get a prayer to allow their family member to get to heaven. At least that’s how I interpreted it. It just rubbed me the wrong way to think that you have to buy your way into heaven. I never stopped believing in god through this, I just found myself questioning the structure of church in general.

            And then came my fiancé. She was raised in both catholic and Christian churches. She is more involved in the Christian church, however. Pretty early on into our relationship she had asked me to go to church with her. I told her how I was hesitant and why I felt the way I did. She understood, so I decided I would give this church a try. And wouldn’t you believe it, the first time I felt really connecting in a deeper way to God was during this time. The pastor even spoke about how so many people try to put such strict rules on religion and if you didn’t follow them you are going to hell. This pastor however, said that what it really boils down to is that you believe in Jesus. You believe that he died for your sins on the cross and that he did that for you. If you believe that he is your lord and savior, that is all you really need to build from. Everyone will interpret the readings in different ways and that is okay. For me, I believe that Jesus did die for us and sacrificed himself for our sins. He did that so that we may join him in heaven when it is our time. I also believe that the simplest way to prove that you are Christian is to just be a decent human being to one another. Try not to judge others. It is okay to believe different things as long as you are still a kind human to one another.

            As more time would go on, I found this particular church speaking to me every single time I went. I didn’t go every weekend but every time I did go, somehow the message seemed tailored to exactly what I was dealing with. Dealing with my best friend's suicide is something that I really struggled with. This can be a deeper topic for another time. However, the church and Jesus are huge parts of my healing of this loss. The messages helped guide me to be able to talk about what was on my mind and the way that I struggled with this. I don’t believe that I would have come to terms with it when I did if it wasn’t for God.

            My faith was also there for me when I lost my sister. What is such a difficult time to think about and to put myself back in the emotions that I was feeling that day is hard. But it is a big part of this story. This will also end up being its own post at a later date because my sister is someone that I looked up to so much and she deserves to be shared with all of you in that way. Regardless, after receiving the call and my family coming together at my sister’s house, I felt so defeated and hurt. I remember turning to my fiancé and saying that I’m not really sure why, but I feel like I need to go to church tomorrow. This was probably the first time in my life that I felt such a strong pull to go to church. It was like someone took my hand and was saying follow me. It ended up being the first step that I needed in order to deal with the loss of my sister.

There is comfort in having faith in God. It can bring great peace. It can be difficult from time to time though too. I still sometimes question why God would let something terrible happen to people and how it doesn’t seem fair. These are the times that really test your faith. It is in these terrible times that make you realize that not everything will make sense. To hold onto that faith in the difficult times and to believe that it will get better because you have the greatest fighter fighting for you is powerful. I know that things will get better. As cliché as it is, ask yourself what would Jesus do, the next time that you find yourself facing a difficult decision or point in your life. You may be surprised at how he can help you.

I know this was a little longer than other posts so far and I thank you for taking the time to read it. This is something that just was really on my mind today as I go through a big transition in my life and need guidance. I have my faith though and I know that things will work out because I’m not alone. I have the greatest fighter fighting for me.

 

Much Love and God Bless.